Biodegradation

Even toilet paper has a sell-by date. Down to the last minute. What would happen if left too long? Would it explode? Could rats get ill from eating it? Probably not. Many goods can exist beyond the so-called sell-by date. I would not recommend trying old food out – rooting through bins and being freegan – just to test the theory. But there are things that last forever – like blu-tack.

This makes me think: what happens to stuff which doesn’t degrade? Does it stay in massive rubbish tips forever? Do seagulls descend, eat it, and end up with massive distended stomachs, for they cannot digest it?

It makes me think: in the middle of stars – for they are composed of everything – is there a bunch of un-biodegradable toilet paper sitting there for an eternity waiting for the end of the world? If so, let them remember us. In ancient time capsules, let there be a few rolls of Cushelle to await the end of the universe. In that may we find peace, everlasting life and a few clean bottoms.