MARTIN R TEMPLE

Possibilities:

Is there an infinite number of possibilities?  No.  Infinity does not exist.  You can always count something.  Even if something is practically infinite (like space) it still has a size and can still be counted.  If there are multiple dimensions where every possibility is played out this number will be even bigger but surely this is ridiculous: for example, everyone being the same size, coloured with pink and purple spots in exactly the same places, all singing the same song at the same time and all being called Brian is not a possibility that I feel is at all, well possible.

 

Potatoes:

Potatoes have eyes.  But they can’t see.  At least we think they can’t see.  If they can, the next step is them growing legs, inventing gunpowder and taking over the world. 

 

 

Quixotic:

This is the highest word score you can get in Scrabble.  The definition of it is ‘idealistic but impractical.’  This does not explain the word to me.  If anything I am more baffled after looking it up in the dictionary than before.  There are a lot of strange words you can use in Scrabble so having a large dictionary is all important – so that fights don’t break out over whether the word exists or not.  English has the largest vocabulary in the world and this then renders it a must that you read the dictionary or at least learning the language before you play.  The two letter words are what really get me.  If you win via thee you are not only smug but damn annoying.  This is the reason people play Scrabble.  So that you can lord it over your fellow man.  But that’s what life is all about I think.  To the winner go the spoils.  The quixotic spoils.

 

Quadratic Equations:

I remember learning these in school.  I think all you had to do is turn the calculator on and then you have your answer.  Doing it yourself is both outdated and impossible.  People before the age of calculators and needing to convert pounds into schillings into bushels must have needed two brains.

 

 

Ravishing:

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  Being ravished generally means being raped.  But being called ravishing means you are worthy of rape.  Although most rapist don’t have that high standards.

 

Rednecks:

The fact that they are named after the fact they have a severe lack of suntan cream reveals much about them.  They work in the sun and are proud of it.  People in Vietnam where the sun is much brighter and they are far poorer have a way out of this.  It is called a hat.

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RFID Wallets:

Nowadays people can steal from you without a gun or a key or the threat of a nuclear weapon.  They skim your wallets and take your information from just passing beside you.  But with a ‘Radio Frequency Identification’ wallet you can stop these thieves.  Either that or you purchase (or simply use) a special breath mints tin, or wrap your credit cards in aluminium foil.

 

Ryanair:

Who is this Ryan? And how can he afford to sell such cheap tickets?  Is he just a charitable man or is everyone else just ripping us off?  Maybe they make money by stealing your baggage and then claiming it somehow ‘disappeared.’  This brook the question of where lost luggage actually goes and why.  There must be a reason for it, and one which may support such systems as the mafia and post it notes.

 

 

Sasquatch:

These beasts clearly need to be hunted.  Then we might find out if they actually existed.  For as a race we are quite good at making species’ extinct.  And if there were only a few left in the wild anyway, for there clearly are not many - even in zoos – they would die out.  This might be a good thing or a bad thing.  Good for people who live in woods where they might be killed and eaten by a Sasquatch.  Bad for people who want a nice fur ensemble that no one else has.

 

Skoda:

An amazing comeback that not many people would have predicted.  ‘Intelligent motion’ I think is their slogan.  And the fact that they can move forwards, backwards and sideways justifies this.

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Scatology:

My favourite word.  I’m not sure how I came across it, I may have been shamefully reading the dictionary (as you do) and found it.  It means ‘Obsession with Faeces,’ which is a marvellous thing to have to describe.  This of course means that there are those out there with this obsession, who go around photographing, smelling and (maybe even) touching poo.  Something for everyone I suppose.

I came across its derivation: ‘Scats’ in one of my uncle’s magazines, which are samples of poo, collected or followed to either find the animal that produced it, or possibly, the motherload – a huge cesspit of shit, which as a Scatologist might be described as heaven.

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Stultify:

There are a number of different words that mean ‘boring’ which you won’t find in your bog standard thesaurus.  One is bloviate.  Another is ‘Stultify.’  It means boring someone so much they find it saps your energy.  At one point I drew a Pictionary picture of this for someone to guess: quite some challenge I tell you.  Luckily I had just mentioned it, so it was guessed correctly after a couple of minutes of jabbing my pen at the page it was drawn on.  A good use of the paper they used to leave on the ‘Pret a Manger’ tables.  I don’t know what they were supposed to be used for, but I enjoyed it.

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StudyJay.com

Why is this legal?  Lazy students paying other people to do their homework?  Its not plagiarism but its definitely cheating.  Does the internet make people indolent?  Who knows who wrote something for the first time.  Not only privacy settings (GDPR) need to be addressed but also those who came up with the writing in the first place.  People should be allowed to keep rights over what they wrote.

 

 

Two Party Systems:

If you can only vote between two people the best of a bad lot is all you get.  Is this really democracy?  No.  It is a bad choice.

Of course you could vote for the raving loony party in the UK.  You wouldn’t have much of a party though if they were elected.

All of them have gone through the same paths to get there – greasing up the chain of bribery and corruption I am sure.  Power corrupts absolutely as the saying goes.  Probably the mates who were at the same school go up against each other – definitely the folk in the Houses of Lords.  Is a republic then the best way to do things?  The Romans thought so and according to them the followed the Gods.

Maybe we would do better to elect a priest or bishop.  They at least would be more moral.

Truncheons:

The earliest form of police brutality must have involved truncheons.  Without the flexibility of a nightstick, the truncheon must have involved luncheons where some sort of beating is given.

 

Tiddlywinks:

Possibly the worst game ever invented.  And the most silly of names.  There has been and never will be a game that is so far away from being a competitive sport or Olympic activity in the whole spectrum of games, including spoon and egg races, speed wallpapering and knitting.

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Trout-Nado:

There is a film out concerning a rather strange sort of meteorological event, in which sharks are picked up, happily enjoying a spot of lunch in the middle of the ocean into a tornado, which then transports them onto various land-based locations in which they can enjoy yet more lunch – but on humans.

If this happened to trout however it might be able to solve famine, starvation and various other dietary restriction problems that people in the modern world have developed.  People would have trout for lunch on a regular basis.  Admittedly the fishing fleets which depend on trout for their living would go out of business.  However, weathermen and women would replace them and watching the reports they give would become immeasurably more interesting.  If possible, maybe we could invent a ‘Tuna-Nado,’ a ‘Salmon-Nado’ and some sort of ‘Pork-Nado.’  If miniaturised, which seems to be the way of modern technology we could even have our meals delivered to us via various different types of small Tornado, or perhaps Whirlwind.  A Tsunami would change from being an extremely dangerous event to Tuesday’s lunch.  Marvellous.

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Tiromancy:

Looking into a crystal ball is fair enough.  Its faintly believable and has a certain logic to it.  Diving the future by looking at hunks of cheese is just nonsense.  Just chop up a bit of stilton and eat it.  That’s what its for.