F - J
G
H
I
J
Fruitcake:
A healthy way of putting on calories. Also a term of disrespect: possibly for fat people who should be thin. There is sugar in fruit, of a kind (that never satisfies as much as a chocolate bar) but in fruitcake there is added sugar (of a kind that needs sifting through a sieve because granulated sugar isn’t comprised of small enough particles.) So this means you get to make it as sugary as you like. But if you put blueberries in it, everyone will applaud your appetite.
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Faggots:
This is a versatile word, one changed for reasons unknown to the logical mind. Poirot used to eat them. Old English Lords would burn them. The LGBT community is full of them. Surely they cannot all be the same thing.
Floppy Discs:
This retro mug coasters were once all the rage. The 3.5” versions all the better for they could be inserted into your computer and thus made invisible. I once played a game on one of these about you being an HGV driver who got to choose when and how much to sleep. This was integral to you winning the game as you had to speed your way to your destination without your oranges going off. The most exciting thing was when smokey was on your ass and thereby making your computer monitor flash in red and blue lights. After this though you might be arrested (and nowadays for real if you actually play this game.)
Flipper(s):
Was the dolphin named after the swimming aid or the other way round? Was he (the dolphin) dubbed on the program when he yapped at the Australian youngsters? In terms of a rescue animal a dolphin IMHO is not the best. It cannot reach the bottom of a well; it cannot drag a man from a burning building or give CPR to a dying man. It can’t even come on land to provide a small meal for someone. The most it could do is catch a fish. And the ones in SeaWorld can’t even do that.
Gyration:
This is a fancy way to spin. If you are gyrating you are either a Turkish belly dancer or some amazing pilot pulling 5 Gs. For this you have to have a very high tolerance for dizziness or just a sado-masochist.
Gophers:
Like beavers but live underground, especially at golf courses. If by any chance you have a local team you want to support called the gophers you would have to shout ‘Go Gophers.’ And you will really have to support them because any team named gophers is likely to lose every game they play.
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Grief:
People can actually die of grief; and not just Elves. This is a mystery but I’m sure it’s not caused by the dehydration you get from crying. Instead it seems to be caused by shock, which shuts down the organs. A broken heart is an actual physical symptom.
Burying your loved one may even cause a heart attack if you exert yourself too much digging the grave. But this must give you some sort of closure. Finding God in this situation may help. But then again it may not.
Thinking about it, you can feel phantom pains from a leg that is no longer there. Maybe you can hear the phantom cries of a nagging wife when she is gone. And you miss those cries, and those who are no longer there. The ancients used to think the heart was where the soul was. And when their heart fails and their soul leaves, there must be a very real effect.
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Harajuku Girls:
Gwen Stefani likes them. Which is a reason for everyone else to. They come from Tokyo. Japanese youth culture has always been a bit bizarre but possibly less radical. There are those people in the West who want to look like Barbie; there are those who want to be younger. And so they get doctors to perform surgery on them. In Japan they just watch anime films, some of which are very violent and unrealistic. But there are those who want to look like them too; none of which turn themselves into monsters however. So they buy the clothes and make up which make them look less like real people and turn them into something else. Life must be pretty boring for these people. But its good that they dress up as these people rather than anything more macabre - like Satan. Fancy dress is it? Fair enough. People have been doing that for centuries. And its better for you than doing crack.
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Hungry Hippos:
This game requires much skill. But does it really teach about the African bush? Can you inform children of the mating habits of a hungry hippo with it? Now these huge beasts are not generally being poached, why I do not know, for a hippo’s teeth are just as impressive as a rhino’s horn or an elephant’s tusk. I do not think the Chinese have invented a disease for these items of surely immense healing powers. But when they do, the hippo’s are going to get it. And no amount of finger tapping is going to save them.
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Humpback Whales:
Do they hump? For me they are more barnacled than humpbacked. You don’t see them swinging from the bells in Notre Dame.
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Ina Garten:
She is a chef called the Barefoot Contessa off of Food Network. I’m not sure where her nickname comes from. She does walk around barefoot like a hobbit, and she shops in a shop called Barefoot Contessa, where she used to work, but now buys stuff there because she cant be arsed to cook. A chef, who professes just to make easy food and buys everything from a shop, for me is a lazy chef.
Illing:
A word that means doing well is an ironic one, for me being ill is not a nice experience. Hip Hop is either bad music by their own profession or good. Make up your own mind.
Jay Walking:
Outlawed in some countries including Singapore, where they outlaw a lot of things. You cannot commit suicide; likewise you cannot cross the street whenever you want. This is also the way Jays get about, whether they walk, amble or waddle I don’t know.
Judas:
Many people are named Jesus (in Spanish speaking countries anyway) but few are named Judas. He did betray Jesus, but there are people called Ivan that aren’t persecuted for sounding like Ivan the Terrible.
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