29th November
A van driver was fined for not smoking in his vehicle because he didn’t let other people know. It turns out it was more expensive for him than if he had been caught smoking instead.
A Harry Potter fan has died falling over a cliff, a beauty spot used in the films.
150,000 antelope died when being filmed by David Attenborough.
A very unlucky day I feel.
​
16th November
A woman has died from legal drugs. This has happened many times before, but this time it has happened in England and to a woman who has never used drugs before. She puffed on Insane Joker drugs. I tried to find it on the internet but it is no longer available due to the psychoactive bill. So nowadays if you wanted an Insane Joker you can’t have one.
​
11th November
Red squirrels, the ones native to the UK, have leprosy. How they got it is unknown but it is unsurprising that they have been outdone by the supposedly vermin grey squirrels that came over on sinking ships from foreign climes. So the reds will die, or go to leprosy camps for the squirrel that has everything else. And the greys will use the trees that the reds had and eat their acorns. Then they will find some other creature to compete with and they will either die or outdo them as well. And so the cycle of life will go on.
In auction houses the first flag to be raised on the D-Day beaches has sold for 13 grand. The first edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone has sold for 43 grand. Someone’s been spending their money unwisely.
24th October
The fattest woman in the world has been found. Maybe in the whole of history. Iman Ahmad Adbdulati, 36, an Egyptian unrelated possibly to the ancient pharaohs, is 78.7 stone. Diets may or may not be in her future. I don’t even think the Atkins diet is really going to make much of an impact. I would suggest immediate surgery and the use of an immense knife to chop all her fat off, She hasn’t left home in 25 years, so I wonder who is sneaking all the 12 pound burgers through her door is.
Also, someone has been nicking a doctor‘s (someone unknown to farmers) pears. A whole field of them. Maybe they’ve been shipping it to Iman’s house in Egypt. Although I expect she doesn’t eat anything as healthy as pears. Pear shaped kebabs maybe.
​
5th October
Clowns these days it appears just aren’t funny. They are so unfunny that they seem to think about themselves in Stephen King terms and are jumping out of bushes and scaring kids. They are not actually killing them, but leaving them ‘incredibly distressed.’ If this involves many expensive sessions with therapists it is a genuine problem. Otherwise it’s just a change of underpants and a quick shower.
Meanwhile Asian hornets have somehow hopped onto a plane and found their way to blighty. Fire chiefs have warned however not to take your own action against these ferocious beasts. One family has already used blowtorches against them and set their house and garage on fire.
​
20th September
PM Theresa May doesn’t want any more migrants – they are even building a wall in Calais so they can’t get into trucks headed for Britain. We will pay 1.9 million quid for the wall and for the French security but they decide how to spend it - cue rich French guards. Apparently though it’s not going to stop the migrants – they will just have to walk a bit further. Their current technique is to block the roads with fallen trees and as the trucks stop behind them they climb on board.
​
19th September
Drug lord Pablo Escobar was shot dead in 1993 but people still live in fear of him – because of his killer hippos. His estate in Columbia built by money from cocaine, was turned into a theme park and some of his hippos have escaped to run riot nearby. I wonder if he fed them on cocaine and trained them to kill. It would be the last thing you would expect.
​
12th September
Theresa May is dismantling the old government of David Cameron who is even stepping down from being an MP. He said the reason was to avoid any distraction to her new government. Apparently George Osbourne is going to fill that position. Maybe the real issue is that he wasn’t earning enough and wanted more money – to be had by giving speeches as done before by Tony Blair for example. Old PMs are clearly expensive dinner guests. Current ones would not even get a cheque. I doubt he would be talking about Brexit though. That was not his fault and he will not be dealing with it. There needs to be fresh leadership for that. I wonder if he planned it all along. Would he have stepped down if we had voted to stay in the EU?
It is interesting that a new PM can come into government and completely change it without any sort of vote or debate. Labour however aren’t in any sort of position to do anything about it anyway. They are losing plenty of seats completely out of the blue – pun intended.
May was seen as a better candidate for leading the country whilst outside the EU, even though she had supported staying inside it. She has even created a position – Brexit secretary – for dealing with it: the inaugural holder is David Davis MP, a longtime Eurosceptic who campaigned for the UK to leave the EU.
May advocates a form of British political conservatism called One-nation conservatism (also known as one-nationism, or Tory democracy.) it was devised in the late 1800s by Benjamin Disraeli, to appeal to working class men as a solution to worsening divisions in society through introducing factory and health Acts, as well as greater protection for workers. There is particular emphasis in this sort of government on the obligation for those who are privileged and wealthy to the poorer parts of society.
Apparently we need a whole new tax for the NHS. Will they be sending this money to the Philippines for more nurses I wonder? And will the rich pay it all?
May wants to eliminate unfairness, but she wants to tax the rich. Not everyone can be equal, and I don’t think everybody should. This is prejudice against those who are doing well. She even has a history of pandering to prejudice against Europe.
However, the new PM seems not to want to rebuild the Houses of Parliament and might want to tax those who do. Since it’s not owned by the National Trust who generally know how to rebuild things, it won’t get tax breaks.
​
11th September
The anniversary of the World Trade Centre bombings. Unfortunately a Muslim holiday called Eid al-fitr also occurs on the same day. This day of eating, which celebrates the end of Ramadan, is a time of forgiveness and making amends. I don’t think it is going to reconcile America with Islam, but it is a sign for the better. Not for goats however, as many millions are sacrificed to celebrate. With the end of fasting however I don’t think many will be wasted.
​
9th to 19th September 16
North Korea really enjoys arming itself. They develop new weapons all the time, so it seems that a new, more powerful nuclear bomb is not to be a surprise. In their defence it seems to work as a deterrent in other more powerful countries. But they did decide to test it inside their country, triggering off an earthquake measuring between 4.51 and 5.32 on the Richter scale. If this shows how little regard he has for his own people, imagine what he thinks of others.
There are too many nukes in the world as it is, but it seems more are being made and less disarmed. Even one is too many and how more haven’t been used is remarkable, but the ones we have at the moment are too much in terms of deterrent. Unfortunately sanctions are not enough and a poor people like North Korea are having their money used for power and terror instead of food and medicine.
It seems that more nukes are a waste of money. An anti-nuclear technology would be more of a deterrent and a better use of money. Indeed it seems like this can provoke others – hopefully they will develop a defensive missile system themselves.
I think Gandhi would approve, but he would more than likely just speaking or writing his deterrence, and this I don’t think would work as well.
The US have built an anti-missile system in Romania, which Russia isn’t happy about – this is just defence but they are annoyed they can’t use their nukes to kill thousands of people and irradiate their land if the need takes them.
The benefit of nuclear technologies is of course the answer to our energy problems, but James Bond would have to be employed so that no one can steal them.
It really was a celebration in North Korea today though, for it is Foundation Day aswell: the anniversary of the founding of the state. It is remarkable that they celebrate it, for it is all based on war and killing. The communist North Korea was created with armed help from its commie allies China and Russia. After this beginning it is no wonder they prepare for war constantly. The Korean war with the south was stopped after they threatened their northern neighbours them with nuclear bombs. Now they have their own nuclear bombs. At the time – the 1950s - almost led to a 3rd world war. Clearly the cold war here was not just spies and propaganda. The US fought China, fighting over a country not even their own. Now there is peace, but more nukes. South Korea accused Kim Jong-Un of "maniacal recklessness" as his largest ever nuclear test caused a 5.3-magnitude seismic event. However China (who back communist N Korea) have not been idle – they have been practicing folding quilts during military training in Hengyang, Hunan Province. At least this isn’t a premonition to nuclear holocaust.
More aggressively, Samsung’s new phone, the Galaxy Note 7 has been proved to explode on planes – perhaps Kim Jun-Il has been involved at some point.
On another note, Donald Trump hasn’t changed his bigots’ stance. He is now advocating war crimes. He is suggesting we kill ISIS member’s families to stop terrorism. If he doesn’t start World War III I don’t know who will.
The news without major war is focussing instead on terrorism – Muslims are now killing each other for not being Muslim enough. Called Takfirism – like a Muslim Judge Dredd – it can be viewed as the ultimate expression of unconstrained Islamism. Unfortunately there is no one who can say it isn’t. It isn’t restricted to Muslims though. Robert Mugabe, a tyrant himself, but a roman catholic, has ordered the killings of many and is guilt of crimes against humanity claimed: "It is true. I was dead. I resurrected. As I always do," he told reporters on landing in Harare last Saturday. I’m not sure what the Pope would have to say about that.
For the most part though I think Catholics and Muslims are good people. Trump does not think so however. He wants to kill not only ISIS members, but their families as well
This is countering terrorism with terrorism of its own. There is a limit to how far you can push the ‘we will not negotiate with terrorists’ line. It’s only going to get worse. He has even lied about previous war crimes, trying to show that they work and to copy them. America has freed the slaves, but must admit that most Muslims are good people.
But in the UK, I think we are much more tolerant. We even censor our cartoons (such as Fireman Sam) if it has even the remotest anti-religious connotations.
​
Sources:
1 – Guardian
2 – Sky News
​
Quotes:
-
Quote from theintercept.com: “This kind of rhetoric makes us all less safe and less free, because it feeds us fear,” said Dalia Mogahed, director of research at the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding, a think tank. “Fear of imagined enemies within makes us more accepting of authoritarianism, conformity, and prejudice, and poses a real threat to our democracy in the long term.”
-
"The murder in Rochdale is a reflection of what I believe has been happening in the UK and around the world - there is a civil war within Islam right now," says Haras Rafiq of the Quilliam Foundation counter-extremism think tank.